Jordan and I have a spirit of dreaming in our DNA. Wired inside both our hearts and heads, we have this tendency to believe that anything we think up can be grand. We find ourselves constantly talking about the next adventure, the next big idea, and the next big thing. I think when I first met Jordan, one of the things most attractive to me was his desire for MORE, BIGGER, GRANDER, GO! His up for anything attitude mixed with neither of us having much responsibility made it easy to say YES and GO all the time.
Two kids, and a SUV later, that spirit of YES and GO can get tangled between schedules and sleep. So, when we get to sneak in a conversation over dinner, or on a date night, where we get to dream, to wonder, to hope, and to pray, I find myself rooting for more of it, fighting for it, and craving it most of all.
Were in this season, this place, where were both trying hard to stay-in-sync. We’re wildly protecting our marriage, our family, our home, and our faith as number one, at all costs. Not in a scary way, like things went of course and something must be saved, but in this sense that these very things- our marriage, our family, our home and our faith are the most important, the very bread and butter of our days.
There has just been something about 2014. January kicked off a move back to our old church, breakfast with Bob, some moves and changes in Jordan’s business, working to put wings to some creative dreams, a trip to Peru, and of course, a brand new baby girl. It was absolutely not quiet, yet, something different has begun to arise in the midst of all the change.
Of all seasons to step out more in faith, I wouldn’t have expected it to be this one. A new baby, adjusting to life with two littles, late nights, and early mornings. And that’s why its hard I guess, to put wings to dreams, to say yes, to go, to do the work we have committed too and find the time to do work we love as well.
Its a constant dance, of trying, and failing, working and falling. Its a waltz of you go, and I’ll stay, and then I’ll stay and you go. Its the back-and-forth of leaning into each others careers, callings, and passions, and then figuring out how to communicate and cheer on.
I still sense this call to come, to say yes and go. And yet, there is a vagueness to the callings. There is a wonder of what’s next in parenthood, in business, in writing, and in creating. To do what were going to say were going to do, and yet find margin to dream, and create, listen, and Go.
So, saying that you feel called to something, or that you feel God calling you to something, can sound a little, dare I say it, CRAZY at times. Even to church people, maybe even sometimes to church people most of all. Phrases like” let’s pray on it”, I feel like are sometimes code for “lets wait on it”.
Stepping out in faith, feels scary and looks strange. And yet, I know, in the deepest parts of my heart, that over the fence of my fear is the fire for my faith, and its a daily dance to catch the flame.
And when Jordan and I sit down together, when we share our dreams, when were honest about the good and the ugly, and when we connect in this way, I feel like we can do just about anything. And for awhile, I think we stopped dreaming together. Not on purpose, or for some specific reason, but probably just because life got in the way. Were both working on undoing that these days.
Were allowing ourselves, were giving each other permission, and were making some sacrifice to put legs on our ideas. Its not always easy. And yet, there is such freedom in letting each other become a little more of who they were created to be. It spreads the best kind of wildfire in our families and our faith.
Answering these callings, working out our dreams, together encouraging each other on, fighting for each other’s passions: this is the stuff that makes up the trajectory of our days. That and well, changing diapers too.
If I live to see one of our super big, pie in the sky dreams come to fruition, I will be thrilled. But, that’s not whats going to determine the success of our callings. I want following our dreams in our lives and in our marriage to be more like faith than a flow chart.
And I don’t want to stop dreaming. Individually leaning into working out my hearts desires, and in our marriage, working out the constant question of what’s next? So much can come and get-in-the-way, and a lot of times its stuff that has to be addressed, things that need to be managed and handled. But, a lot of times its just a lot of NOISE.
Distractions, feelings of we should do this or have to do that, these distractions sometimes get in the way of the callings and the dreams. They interrupt, they hinder, and they make us feel resentful when we say yes. Sometimes the best thing we can do is continue to say no to such good stuff, so we can say yes to the very best stuff. Over and over again I remind myself of this. Its the little static on the radio that I keep on, that constant reminder that this is my life to live, and I want to live it well.
I want to look back with confidence at the life that God gave me, with the talents he entrusted me with, with the talents he entrusted my husband with, and say that in the midst of the merry-go-round of motherhood and marriage, friendship, and family, commitments and obligations, We still said YES. And I want to continue to look my husband in the eye, hear his heart, in the midst of storms or sweet seasons, even when the answer seems elusive, or the the sleep were working on is small. And I want the bottom line, to always be, ” Babe, Let’s Go, and Lord, Send Us”.