Like a slow-mo-show.
The one where I wanted to stay lost in Laguna forever.
We took Samantha to downtown.
We drove the short miles from the Hospital to Forest Ave.
It was freezing cold, but one of the prettiest winter days I had ever seen.
The water was sparkling and the sunshine did not seem fitting for the dark in my heart.
I stumbled out of the car with an aching tummy and burning heart.
Eyes full of water, with a daughter running ahead towards the sea.
I forgot in the rush to pack a jacket for our little lady.
We found the cutest little Roxy hoodie, covered in hearts, and on a super sale.
I cried I was so happy.
On the way down to let Samantha sit seaside, I happened to glance over my shoulder to see a sign.
It was hanging on this gigantic pole next to the classic ice cream shoppe sitting on the corner.
Its been there for years, how did I happen to just to glance at it now?!
We ran towards the waves, and I looked to the left.
There sat the solution to our hearts momentary desires.
Swings, Sand, and Slides.
Bless you precious park.
Samantha ran ahead.
Jordan was two feet behind.
I was still catching my breath to catch up.
I wanted to sit, to sleep, to light a campfire and watch the embers glow full of fire and burn on.
Just like my heart.
The waves and the water they were calling my name.
Soothing me without me realizing it.
I ignored the unknown questions my heart wanted to start asking, and basked in the unusual silence.
I knew I had a choice.
I could stay.
Not literally lost in Laguna, but for sure “figuratively lost in my feelings”.
I could close myself off and write this loss off to chance.
But, I knew I had to travel on.
Its been said that when one door closes, another one opens.
For me that day, a door did close.
And a gate guided me on.
And God was gently opening another door if I so decided to enter.
The Gate to His Heart and The Door to His Will.
He was promising me that He always “Hangs Well” and “Hinders None”.
Renewed and Refreshed, I am confident I can travel on.